Sunday, June 13, 2010

Ahmadinejad announces his love for Arianna Huffington

Preface: Given HuffPost's fetish for using brutal "satire," we at HUFF-WATCH feel this fact-based, satirical piece is both appropriate and timely.

Date: June 13, 2010

From: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

To: Arianna Huffington


(And don't miss my suggestion at the end of this letter, for your five-word acceptance speech at the Webbies, tomorrow night!)

My Dear Arianna:

Until now, I have not formally thanked you for all you do for me, and for the cyber-jihad. With this detailed email, I hope to make up for this lapse, and list some of the many reasons why I love you. Yes, Arianna, I am finally ready to admit it: I am deeply, truly, madly, eternally in love with you.

Why am I confessing to this, now? I admit, it's been building for some time. But you know, between being the world's #1 sponsor of terror, and how busy I am oppressing and murdering my own citizens, keeping my nearly-complete nuclear weapons program on track (and away from the prying eyes of those flaccid IAEA idiots), fomenting strife and bloodshed throughout the Middle East via my proxies Hamas and Hezbollah, training the jihadis in Iraq that are murdering U.S. soldiers, and deploying terrorists to the U.S. southern border and Venezuela, my life can get very busy. That's not so much an excuse, Arianna, as it is an explanation of why it's taken me so long to share my deepest feelings with you.

As Editor-in-Chief of HuffingtonPost --- which is now the #1 most-read blog in the world and one of America's top ten news sites --- I know you are also very busy. I'm also aware that no matter how busy you've been, you've consistently done things that could only advance my interests.

(Note: When I compliment "you" in this letter, and attribute actions to "you," I mean you, and those at HuffPost whom you and your executives have trained... editors, reporters, comment moderators, etc.)

But the "journalistic" decisions you've made at HuffPost over the last few weeks regarding the "peace flotilla" (LOL!!!) that I and my jihadi brothers and sisters organized, have been extraordinarily helpful.

So helpful that my heart is simply bursting with gratitude... and, yes,
love!, to the point where I can no longer hold these feelings in!

I admit I was concerned that this latest stunt of mine was too transparent even for you. I was afraid that you'd see my fingerprints all over this, and refuse to put your "Internet newspaper's" credibility on the line by shilling for me and my proxies, and acting as a spigot for hateful propaganda against Israel and Jews, one more time. You're clearly a politically sophisticated woman; you have convinced Congressional leaders and world figures to become official HuffPost bloggers.

But Arianna, you didn't let me down --- you never do!


Why am I in love with you, Arianna? Let me count the ways...


You claim you prohibit "inflammatory claims" and "conspiracy theories" (LOL!). Yet in reality, you not only publish screaming headlines containing... inflammatory claims and conspiracy theories against Israel --- when the facts emerged that undermine these allegations, you almost invariably refuse to make your readers aware of them. For example:


As if that weren't enough, here are some more of the reasons why I love you!

  • Your blatant anti-Semitic bias during and after "Operation Cast Lead"
    I also want you to know that your willingness to openly assault Israel and Jews on a sustained basis has not escaped my notice, and admiration, Arianna. I confess that tears of joy come to my eyes whenever I think of how you pulled out all the stops during your "coverage" of the Zionists' invasion of Gaza in late 2008.

    (FYI: The picture at right was taken of me after one of my aides showed me your day-to-day "coverage" of Cast Lead, and I was understandably overcome with tearful gratitude.)

    One particularly glorious example of your facilitation of the cyber-jihad was this screaming headline you ran on January 2, 2009. Of course, my boys in Hamas staged this whole thing to muster the sympathy of cyberjihad facilitators like you. I mean, LOL!!! --- have you ever seen young males in the Gaza Strip drawing doves on a wall? Even an honest 12 year old could tell that this was a sloppy example of PallyWood propaganda:

    You made little to no mention of the fact that my boys in Hamas had previously been lobbing thousands of rockets into Israeli civilian centers, timed to impact when Jewish children were being let out of school... or that they only allowed Islamist-sympathizing "journalists" to cover the conflict in Gaza.

    Another glorious example was on December 29, when you published a screaming headline entitled, "Israeli Assault Targets Symbols Of Hamas Power" --- which you matched with a picture of a dead Palestinian toddler, clearly implying that the Zionists struck mercilessly and maliciously targeted her with deadly force:

    Arianna, I couldn't have done that headline better myself!!!

    Some of the reality of what you did during Cast Lead was documented in great detail at several infidel blogs. But were you dissuaded from using HuffPost's increasing influence and popularity to continue your assault on the truth regarding Israel, and my jihadi proxies? Of course not! How could I not consider you an angel for your stalwart stance?

  • Your facilitation of the cyber-jihad in other ways --- such as your ongoing assaults on the U.S. military.
    How ironic it is that while I am busy training, arming and deploying jihadis to murder U.S. soldiers, you are busy undermining and libeling them, right there on your home front. A few examples of the many I'm aware of:
    5/13/10: HuffPost publishes another incendiary libel against the U.S. military (user hate-fest erupts: HuffPost: "Approved!!!")

    4/5/10: HuffPost falsely smears the U.S. military, again; User hate-fest erupts (HuffPost: "Approved!!!")

    5/4/09: The HuffPost-alJazeera alliance: Fomenting (and approving) anti-U.S. military, anti-Christian propaganda, hate and libels

  • And don't think your decisions to facilitate, embolden and protect my cyber-jihadis to libel the U.S. military on HuffPost has escaped my notice and gratitude, Arianna.
    My personal favorite is "rich misty," who you allowed to spam all your top "news" threads for days on end, 20 hours a day, with incendiary blood libels against American soldiers and Jews. Specifically, you allowed him to endlessly claim that U.S. soldiers sexually torture and murder Muslim women and children in Iraq, as a matter of "standard operating procedure." You then allowed him to also post links to an anti-Semitic cyberjihadi website we love, which he claimed showed pictures of your soldiers committing such acts.

    Yet you censored then banned another user who repeatedly attempted to post the truth: that these pictures are fakes, were produced by cyberjihadis, and are hosted at an anti-Semitic hate site. Further, when other users objected to his inflammatory accusations and pathological violations of HuffPost's "rules" (LOL!!!), you banned them as well.

  • Your decision to facilitate, protect and embolden my cyber-jihadis to engage in anti-Semitic hate speech and threats.
    Of course, this was not an isolated instance. To the contrary, it is just one facet of how you protect the most egregious violators of your "comment policy," and censor and ban those who complain about, mock or challenge them. This even includes several of my other favorite useful idiots:
    - "Kevenseven," whom you allowed to brag about how he was interviewed in his home by the Secret Service for openly calling for the murder of the criminal Bush on HuffPost --- and kept him active for years afterward --- while banning users who stood up to him.

    - "Postman66," who also called for the murder of the criminal Bush, and not only did you let him remain, while banning other users, you made him a moderator!!!
    Nor do I discount the lengths to which you go to ensure cyberjihadis and neo-Nazis feel safe and welcome at HuffPost --- while ejecting those who dare to criticize them. Three examples of this come to mind:
    - "KQuark," whom you approved to publish a graphic "HEIL HITLER!!!" --- then to rack up thousands more comments, because as he said on another site, no matter what he does, you won't ban him.

    - "Poco767c," whom you approved to publish a screen-full of graphic swastikas --- then banned another user who objected to it.

    - "CaptainQueeg,"
    whom you approved to explain that he's "sick and tired of all of the Heebs in this world." Yet rather than instantly banning him, you removed this comment, and others --- urging violence against Supreme Court justices --- and left him free to continue.
    Then, there are all these examples of your reviewing, approving and deciding to publish my cyberjihadis' and useful idiots' inflammatory libels and death wishes against American soldiers:
    4/15/10: U.S. military contractor deaths surge; users erupt in hate-fest (HuffPost: "Approved!!!")

    12/30/09: CIA officers murdered in Afghanistan; users erupt with hate and libels (HuffPost: "Approved!!!")

  • Your top Washington "reporter's" covering for my affiliation with Al Qaeda --- and echoing my calls for the criminal Bush to be prosecuted for war crimes.
    First, during the 2008 U.S. presidential campaign, you decided to publish an article by your top Washington "reporter," Sam Stein, alleging that Sen. McCain had falsely asserted a connection between Iran and Al Qaeda. Of course, extensive documentation was available at that time that showed the deep, enduring links between us... but that didn't inspire you to ever correct the record.

    Then, in President Obama's first prime-time press conference, which was devoted to discussion of the ailing U.S. economy, your Sam Stein took decided to ask him about something very different --- whether he was planning on pursuing criminal charges against Bush.

    Do you think it escaped my notice that at approximately the same time, the New York Times was putting the finishing touches on an interview with me, in which I suggested the exact same thing?
    The rest of the world may find these incidents to be unrelated, Arianna, but I think that given all the precedent I've outlined in this admittedly longish letter, I have good reason to be appreciative to you for this joyous "coincidence."


Another reason I love you: Your continuous photo-bias to favor me, while doing the opposite against the Zionist Netanyahu


Let's face it, as the world's leading proponent of genocidal threats, and as I'm developing the nuclear weapons with which to fulfill those threats, my PR people have a bit of a tough go sometimes. After all, how does one give a murderous psychopath like me a soft, cuddly, benevolent public persona? Why, turn to HuffPost, of course!!!

I've paid close attention to this facet of what you do for me, Arianna (here, here). No matter how many times I call for mass murder, and no matter how many photos of me are available that would match my psychopathic vitriol (right), you never, ever use them. The ones you do use always present me in my most favorable light. And as is documented here, you take the exact opposite approach when it come to that Zionist pig Netanyahu, who you almost invariably make look sinister and angry.

For example, here's how you routinely make Netanyahu look:

Yet when you acknowledge I am denying the murder of 6 million Jews, how do you choose to portray me? Why, as a nurturing, loving presidential figure...

The below juxtaposition, from last summer, really demonstrated to me the lengths to which you'll go to make me look good. After I rigged the Iranian election to maintain my power --- and my drive to destroy Israel, and dominate the Middle East... who did you choose to make look swell, and to look sinister?

And even when the flaccid, jihad-appeasing U.N. finally spoke with one voice on June 9 against my genocidal threats, and my progress towards creating nuclear weapons to fulfill them, how did you play it? I mean, that's got to be one of the best pictures of me out there, Arianna... and you gave it border-to-border coverage. How could anyone not like the guy in that picture?

If you've done all these things to garner my attention, and affection, Arianna...
you've succeeded


I realize that men have a pretty bad reputation for ignoring or forgetting the important things that women do for them, Arianna. But my days of failing to give credit to you for these and all the other choices you've made, are over.

For in these and so many other instances, you had a choice to make --- to uphold HuffPost's claims to be a "nonpartisan" newspaper (LOL!!!), or to act as a willing facilitator of the cyber-jihad against Israel and Jews.

Would it sound terribly arrogant if I presumed that your actions were all intended to gain my notice, and my favor?
I assure you, my dear Arianna, you have won both... in ways that I can only express now, that I fully realize the vital role you play in helping me to fulfill all my aspirations.


My humble suggestion for your five-word acceptance speech at tomorrow night's Webby Award... and more


My dear Arianna, I hope I've sufficiently made up for lost time, in explaining exactly why I love you as I do, why I am so grateful to you, and what you've done that has earned all this affection... and more.

So when I heard that you were soliciting suggestions for your five-word acceptance speech at the Webby Awards... it occurred to me to at least suggest that perhaps, if you feel the same way about me, as I do about you, you might make your five words...


And if you decide to do that... might I suggest one more means of making up for lost time for us? And for ensuring that not another moment passes without us being on the same wavelength?

Now that you've been single for a while, and as you know, Islam permits polygamy in certain cases... I humbly ask you, Arianna... would you be mine?

What a handsome couple we'd make, don't you think?

I don't need your answer right now, Arianna. Just think about it, would you? If I get my way, there will be plenty of "fireworks" in the Middle East to keep me busy this summer. And of course, that means another summer of you shilling for me, and for my jihadi sons in Hamas, Hezbollah, and the "peace flotillas" (LOL!!!), and against the Zionist pigs.

But perhaps somewhere in your heart, you'll see the logic in my proposal, and realize what we could do together. With me as the #1 sponsor of global terror, and you being the webmistress behind the world's #1 most-read, cyberjihadi-facilitating, anti-Semitic blog? Why, the potential is unlimited.

I eagerly await your answer, my little schnookums...

PS: Oh you angel, Arianna... here are more thanks to you!!!


1 comment:

  1. Your article would be really funny if it wasn't so true and sad. Arianna and T. Parsi should be given 1 way tickets to Iran without passports and visas.